I am what I am.

Songs can be such good ways of encapsulating feelings. Belting along to a song with total conviction feels so good. Lately I've been thinking a lot about people's perception of me. When I was young, people saw me as the future missionary or pastor or something. People told me it was God's plan for me. I always wondered why HE didn't say anything to me about it. I was a good kid, but I wasn't perfect...I always felt I had to try to live up to these perceptions of perfection, and it was impossible. With music too, I had a talent, and from the beginning I was forbidden from ever messing up. It was like everyone else could make mistakes but I always got the, "I expect this from them, but from you it is unacceptable!" Then came relationships. Several great girls somehow decided I was the perfect man, and so I'd try to be just that for them, and in the process I'd lose myself and end up breaking hearts. Friends see me sometimes as a ball of crazy energy, the life of the party. Sometimes I'd like to be entertained. I suppose I'm just realizing that I am me, and I have many angles, sides, faces, issues, flaws, etc. I'm starting to see that being true to myself in everything is the key to making others happy, too. So, for all of you people out there who think you have me pegged, or feel unjustly pegged yourselves, I give you the illustrious Johnny Cash:

It Ain't Me Babe

Go away from my window.
Leave at your own chosen speed.
I'm not the one you want, babe.
I'm not the one you need.

You say you're lookin' for someone
Whose never weak, but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong.
Someone to open each and every door...

But it ain't me babe!
No, no, no
It ain't me babe!
It ain't me your lookin' for, babe.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe.
Go lightly on the ground.
I'm not the one you want, babe.
I'll only let you down.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who'll promise never to part.
Someone to close his eyes to you.
Someone to close his heart.
Someone to die for you and more...

But it ain't me babe!
No, no, no
It ain't me babe!
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

You say your lookin' for someone
To pick you up each time you fall.
To gather flowers constantly,
And to come each time you call.
And will love you for your life and nothin' more...

But it ain't me babe!
No, no, no
It ain't me, babe!
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.