I am what I am.

Songs can be such good ways of encapsulating feelings. Belting along to a song with total conviction feels so good. Lately I've been thinking a lot about people's perception of me. When I was young, people saw me as the future missionary or pastor or something. People told me it was God's plan for me. I always wondered why HE didn't say anything to me about it. I was a good kid, but I wasn't perfect...I always felt I had to try to live up to these perceptions of perfection, and it was impossible. With music too, I had a talent, and from the beginning I was forbidden from ever messing up. It was like everyone else could make mistakes but I always got the, "I expect this from them, but from you it is unacceptable!" Then came relationships. Several great girls somehow decided I was the perfect man, and so I'd try to be just that for them, and in the process I'd lose myself and end up breaking hearts. Friends see me sometimes as a ball of crazy energy, the life of the party. Sometimes I'd like to be entertained. I suppose I'm just realizing that I am me, and I have many angles, sides, faces, issues, flaws, etc. I'm starting to see that being true to myself in everything is the key to making others happy, too. So, for all of you people out there who think you have me pegged, or feel unjustly pegged yourselves, I give you the illustrious Johnny Cash:

It Ain't Me Babe

Go away from my window.
Leave at your own chosen speed.
I'm not the one you want, babe.
I'm not the one you need.

You say you're lookin' for someone
Whose never weak, but always strong
To protect you and defend you
Whether you are right or wrong.
Someone to open each and every door...

But it ain't me babe!
No, no, no
It ain't me babe!
It ain't me your lookin' for, babe.

Go lightly from the ledge, babe.
Go lightly on the ground.
I'm not the one you want, babe.
I'll only let you down.
You say you're lookin' for someone
Who'll promise never to part.
Someone to close his eyes to you.
Someone to close his heart.
Someone to die for you and more...

But it ain't me babe!
No, no, no
It ain't me babe!
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

You say your lookin' for someone
To pick you up each time you fall.
To gather flowers constantly,
And to come each time you call.
And will love you for your life and nothin' more...

But it ain't me babe!
No, no, no
It ain't me, babe!
It ain't me you're lookin' for, babe.

Back in time to leave

Ugh! I have been netless for almost the entire month of June. It is really amazing how much the internet is woven into the fabric of my life. I am so glad not to have to bother friends or drive to school to check my mail. I feel so out of touch. I'm off to Florida on Saturday! I am very excited! I am ready to go to the beach and get tan, get drunk, get fed, and get relaxed. And, now, thanks to T-bone, I have something to look forward to coming back to. Hooray. What else is new since my internet sabbatical you may wonder? Well, I am a gym rat now. That's right. Whuddathunk it? In a few more months I won't feel like jello anymore. Maybe...

Tour of Duty

I'm in New Jersey today hanging at my aunt's house. Very nice. She has le cable, and le internet, and le privacy for le practice of the flute. Tonight we're going to Burlington for the weekend at my grandmother's. That's going to be rough. I'm surprising her, but I'm sure once the initial shock wears off there will be much picking on one me. As if I didn't have self-esteem already. But I'm prepared. After I survive this, it will be beach time.

Question...only two peeps normally comment on my rantings, yet around 90 have perused my profile. Who are you mystery readers? I'd like to know, so I can throw in a shout out to you once in a while.

Points

I thought it might be wise, now that summer is here, for me to attempt to become a bit less buxom. Thus, I am on a major food detox. Surprisingly, I'm doing pretty good. I must have walked around a hundred miles in the past week, and me and lettuce are real real tight. I certainly hope all the geriatrics on Captiva Island appreciate all my hard work. I mean, if I kept this up, I might become attractive in say, three years. I had a great night last night. And in addition to having a great night, I also discovered I can score a free flight to NJ with my frequent flyer miles. This will save me 20 hours in a car, and a ton of money. Whoopie! So, free flight, uber diet, and a Friday night...s'ok, no?

hmmm

Interesting.

Undercover

So I had to hide this thing from my slew of new students. What a shady life I lead these days. I went kayaking today, and I'm now burnt, but only slightly. Hoorah. I'm going to buy a kayak, I think, but I am a little overwhelmed by the whole process. Anyhow, I hope you people out there who read this can still find it no that I'm incognito.